The Light of My World

This Christmas season has been an interesting one for me. It has been a time of healing and recovery and it has been a time to spend with those I love.  It has been a time of changing dreams and of new realizations.  It also seems like there is so much to do, and never enough time to do all that I would like to do.  However, I think that that's something that gives life meaning. To know that each day we set the course of our lives.  How we chose to spend our time will cause ripple effects for years to come.  But, most importantly, I think it helps me to, at least, realize that I cannot do it all on my own.  I need help, guidance, and direction to overcome the storms in my own life, and to help others through theirs.  Which is why this Christmas season is so important. It is a reminder that we are not alone. That there is hope and healing available to each and every one of us.

For me it is little wonder that several of the signs of Christ's birth are associated with light, for He truly is the "light and life of the world." (3 Nephi 11:11) And not only is that applicable on a general level, but also on a very personal one as well. As the years have gone by and I have been faced with life's challenges and difficulties and I can no longer see what lies ahead, I have come to see the Savior as the life of my world.  I have come to know that He cares about me personally and knows exactly what I am going through, and will lead me safely through all my trials and difficulties.  Elder Dieter F.  Uchtdorf once stated:

"It is part of our condition as mortal beings to sometimes feel as though we are surrounded by darkness... But even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness” (The Hope of God's Light, May 2013)

That quote to me reflects the hope of the Christmas season. That we will always have the Savior to light the way before us. Even on our darkest days, that we can still turn heavenward and find healing and hope. We can be comforted by the reassurance of His love and that "He is not dead, nor doth He sleep." (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day)  Rather the Savior is very involved in our lives and wants the best for each of us. 

That is another gift of the Christmas season, that as we close another year, all our hurts and pains and disappointments of the previous year can be "swallowed up in the joy of Christ" (Alma 31:38) And we are given the gift of looking forward to a new year full of hopes and dreams. Untold blessings and wonders lay ahead because "God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son" (John 3:16)

So Much To Be

A Time For Reflection

I remember when I first came home, it was such an interesting period of my life. I was rediscovering who I was, what the plans for my future would be, and how I was going to live my life - all while my heart was still in Arizona (where I served my mission).  I felt divided. While I was happy to be back home with loved ones and to start on a new adventure, I still couldn't leave behind my missionary life quite yet. One quote that I could relate to was from the Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King. It said, "You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do . Your part in the story will go on."

It helped me to realize that while there is the initial transition phase, I cannot keep moving forward with my life while I was still looking behind me.  After all, "the past is to be learned from but not lived in." (Jefferey R. Holland, Remember Lot's Wife) Furthermore, the very last phrase is what really captured my attention. I realized that I have "so much to enjoy and to be, and to do." Coming home from a mission didn't mean that my story was ending, rather my story was just beginning. There is still so much in my own story that is unwritten, and so many great adventures lie ahead of me.  As I reflect back on the past three years since I've been home, so many things have happened that I never could have imagined would take place. I have learned and grown since then, and as I look toward the future and the new year, I'm strengthened by what I have already gone through and look forward to what tomorrow may bring. 

The Hope of Change

If there's one thing that I've learned from life, it's that change is our constant companion.  Sometimes we look forward to it and other times we dread it, but whether or not we like it, it always comes.  But change doesn't need to be a bad thing, oftentimes it can give us hope.  Change gives us an opportunity to start again and have a second chance.  C.S. Lewis once stated, "you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." Because of change, we can have the hope that just because our story may be dark and gloomy at this moment, it will not always be that way. There are brighter and happier days ahead.  

Furthermore, without change, we could never hope to be different than we are today. We would be destined to stay in the same rut and plateau for the rest of our lives. Our weaknesses would never improve, our talents would never progress, and we would never learn and grow.  But best of all, we can have the hope and the reassurance that we do not need to change on our own. We have a loving Savior who will take us as we are and will help us to improve and grow for "[His] strength is made perfect in weakness." ( 2 Corinthians 12:9)  

Also, we have a loving Heavenly Father who has a perfect plan for us and is preparing us for a destiny that is more spectacular than we can ever imagine. And the great thing is, is that He doesn't expect us to be perfect, He just wants us to keep trying and to do our best. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin stated, "Oh, it is wonderful to know that our Heavenly Father loves us—even with all our flaws! His love is such that even should we give up on ourselves, He never will." (The Great Commandment)

Final Thoughts

This is certainly a special time of year with all of its holidays and gatherings. It's a good time to be with those you love and who truly love you in return.  It is a time for growth and and rejoicing and its a time for giving.  As one year closes and we look to the opening of a new year, what will we chose to take with us? What changes will we make in our lives? And what goals will we set? Who knows what the future may hold, but whatever lays ahead always remember, "you are braver then you believe, stronger then you seem, and smarter then you think." (A.A. Milne)

 …

Eventide

Hi everyone!  As I was listening to General Conference (a worldwide gathering for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) one theme that seemed to stand out to me was how to not only survive, but to thrive during trials through relying on the Savior.  As I was pondering on this topic, the second and third verses of "Abide with Me; 'Tis Eventide" came to mind.  They are:

Abide with me; 'tis eventide.

Thy walk today with me

Has made my heart within me burn,

As I communed with thee.

Thy earnest words have filled my soul

And kept me near thy side.

Abide with me; 'tis eventide,

And lone will be the night

If I cannot commune with thee

Nor find in thee my light.

The darkness of the world, I fear,

Would in my home abide.

I love how the lyrics paint a picture of a dire need to have the Savior in our daily lives.  It reminds me of a quote by President Russell M. Nelson, who noted that we should reach for the Savior's power in our lives "with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air." (Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into our Lives. April 2017) I have seen that when I am passing through hard times the scriptures always seem to bring me the peace that I need, and help me to draw nearer to my Savior as "[His] earnest words have filled my soul and kept me near [His] side."

I know all of us would love to receive straightforward answers and know exactly when the trial will be over.  However, at least in my experience, this often is not the case.  I never seem to get one answer that lets me know exactly what to do and when everything will work out. Instead, things seem to happen "line upon line, precept upon precept." (2 Nephi 28:30) I often seem to receive just enough light to make it to the next step.  And while it would be nice to have the whole path lit ahead of me, I have learned that not only do I grow more, but my relationship with my Savior deepens as I depend upon Him to know where to take my next step.  

President Henry B. Eyring said, "My reassurance is this: the loving God who allowed these tests for you also designed a sure way to pass through them. Heavenly Father so loved the world that He sent His Beloved Son to help us. His Son, Jesus Christ, gave His life for us. Jesus Christ bore in Gethsemane and on the cross the weight of all our sins. He experienced all the sorrows, the pains, and the effects of our sins so that He could comfort and strengthen us through every test in life." (Try, Try, Try October 2018) I know that Christ can help us through whatever trials or challenges may come our way. Though this life is far from easy, there is so much joy and hope and happiness that lies ahead. As we truly come to know our Savior, He will give us the light we need and the "darkness of the world" will not overwhelm us. 

The Allurement of Comparison

A Familiar Cycle

The other day, I found myself sinking into a familiar cycle.  I was feeling down on myself..again.  While I was feeling down, I noticed that I began to compare myself to those around me, using it as justification for why I should hate myself.  Because if I could find more flaws and reasons why I wasn't good enough, then I could rationalize in my mind that I deserved the way I was feeling. 

Being a writer, I often use writing as an outlet to sort through my feelings and get my thoughts out.  And poetry seems to be a medium that I often turn to during these times.  When I was trapped in this comparison mode, these words seemed to flow out of me:

Sometimes I feel like the moon

Shining with its own unique beauty and brightness

While on my own,

I am seen, loved, and adored.

But when the sun begins to rise

I am ignored.

For no matter how brightly I shine

Or how proudly I stand,

When the sun comes out

I have no stand.

I always am pale in comparison

I cannot give the same warmth or light.

Which is why she's the day and i'm the night.

I am seen in the darkness

In the shadows I work

And while I'm content to do my part,

I just wish that for once,

Someone could give me their heart.

I was so caught up in comparison that I failed to see my own worth.  I think many times, it is easy to compare ourselves to a set (imaginary or real) standard.  And with that standard there is not a lot of flexibility.  We think we have to be a certain way or fit into specific categories.  We focus so much on trying to be exactly like others, that we forget about our own uniqueness and worth.

Our Unique Worth 

One wake up call that I had that helped me to come out of this comparison mentality was the realization that you don't have to be the same to be equal.  To continue with the imagery from earlier, light is still light.  Although the sun and the moon are very different, they each have their own unique purpose and role.  They each have a place and a time in which to do their work.  It is the same with each of us.  We are all so different and unique - with different circumstances, stories, dreams, and hopes.  Just because my story is different from someone else's, does not make my own story not worthy of telling.  

Patricia T. Holland said, "Obviously the Lord has created us with different personalities, as well as differing degrees of energy, interest, health, talent, and opportunity. So long as we are committed to righteousness and living a life of faithful devotion, we should celebrate these divine differences, knowing they are a gift from God. We must not feel so frightened, so threatened and insecure; we must not need to find exact replicas of ourselves in order to feel validated as women of worth. There are many things over which we can be divided, but one thing is needful for our unity—the empathy and compassion of the living Son of God." (“‘One Thing Needful’: Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ,”)

One part of that quote that really struck me was when she talked about insecurities.  Often we use comparison as a crutch for our insecurities, and while we cling on to them, we cannot grow.  I have noticed in my own life, that when I am comparing myself to others, my personal growth seems to halt.  I feel like I am too far behind, that I will never measure up, and that I can never be like those around me.  Well the truth is that I will never be like those around me.  God made me the way I am for a reason.  He didn't send me to this life so I can be exactly like those around me.  He sent me here to become the best person that I could become and to develop my own unique talents and abilities.  And through my individuality, I can bless those around me and be an influence for good. 

Now when those down moments come, I don't need to feel alone. I don't need to feel like I will never measure up.  I know that I will never achieve perfection in this life.  But I know that as I come to know and rely upon my Savior, that He will make up the difference and will lift me where I stand.  The beautiful truth is that the Savior takes us the way we are, and helps us to become so much more.  In that same talk, Patricia Holland continues saying, 

"We must have the courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection... We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our uniqueness—that full and relaxed acceptance of one’s self as a person of worth and individuality. We become so frightened and insecure that we cannot be generous toward the diversity and individuality, and yes, problems, of our neighbors. ...

I believe we can find our steady footing and stilling of the soul by turning away from physical preoccupations, superwoman accomplishments, and endless popularity contests, and returning instead to the wholeness of our soul, that unity in our very being that balances the demanding and inevitable diversity of life."

Building Instead of Dividing

Not only does comparison, hinder us from realizing our divine worth, but it also hinders us from becoming united with those around us.  Comparison brings jealousy and resentment.  Instead of using the different gifts and talents of others to compliment our own, we use it as a wall that divides us.  Furthermore, when we feel down on ourselves, it is so much harder for us to give of ourselves to others.  We wonder what we could contribute to others and we doubt that anyone would even want our help when there are so many better people out there. 

However, we have so much to give and to do.  And when we combine our unique talents and abilities with those around us, there is no limit to what we can do.  Marjorie Pay Hinckley stated, "People are wonderful. Each one has a story, each something to give, each knows something interesting, something that can make your life richer." (Small and Simple Things)  As we learn to appreciate not only our unique story, but the stories of those around us, our lives become richer and we can find greater meaning and happiness.  We will not all be the same, but that is what makes this life so exciting and beautiful.  So love the journey, with its valleys and hills, and all the twists and turns that come with it.  We have our own light to give and the Savior is there for us every step of the way.