So tell me if this sounds familiar to anyone else: January is over and the majority (if not all) of your New Years Resolutions are broken or abandoned. Why is that? Is it because these resolutions have come to be seen as a joke or just a ritual to do at the New Year, but have little meaning or effect afterwards? Is it because we're well-meaning and we're feeling ambitious and so we set goals that are unrealistic and non-sustainable? While I think it could be any of those things, I also wonder if there's a deeper reason why our heart just isn't in it. Could it be that while many of our goals are good or even noteworthy, we're not doing it for us? Rather we're doing it because of someone else?
Now don't get me wrong, I am all for learning from others and being inspired by their strengths and talents. I admire those who want to improve themselves so that they can have better relationships with others and be better equipped to make a difference in the world around them. What I am referring to ties back to my very first article - and that is comparison.
In today's world, it is so easy for us to compare. We are bombarded by so many pictures and posts from social media, entertainment, etc. that it can often be a bit discouraging as we realize that we might not measure up to the images and messages that we are exposed to. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others - and as is often the case, we compare what we perceive are the worst things about us, with the best things of others. The more we do this, the easier it is to become more and more dissatisfied with ourselves. We hone in on all of our problems and shortcomings, and eventually, we begin to feel inadequate and that who we are isn't enough. While I think it is great when we can self-reflect and honestly evaluate ourselves - our weaknesses and our strengths - the problem comes when we no longer feel that we can be ourselves. When we feel that we need to transform into an entirely new person, and we need to act or look just like someone else.
I first became more conscious of this problem when I was in a fitness class. At the beginning of the semester, the instructor had us write down our goals for the semester and what we wanted to get out of the class. However, she cautioned for us not to put down that we wanted to look just like a certain athlete or celebrity because frankly, that would never happen. Our bodies are so unique and different from one another that of course they're not going to be able to look exactly like someone else's. Instead, we were supposed to do an honest evaluation of where we were at (current fitness level, body type, strengths, weaknesses, etc) and set realistic goals from there. It wasn't about trying to get in shape so that we could become like someone else, the focus was on starting from where we were at and going from there to get our body to the best that it could be, and what that meant or looked like would be unique to each individual. I began to realize that if that applied to fitness, couldn't it apply to other aspects of our lives as well?
I think when goal setting the focus shouldn't be on become like so and so, it should be on becoming the best person we can be. Now does that mean that we can't look to others for guidance and implementing things they've done to better ourselves, of course not! Just like with fitness we find what works for us and what we enjoy, so we find instructors or programs that guide us in that area, we can do the same thing for anything else. But we have to have the right motivation. We need to be honest with ourselves and ask why we want to do something. If it is something positive and builds us up, then we should absolutely go for it. The key is not to lose sight of who we are because if we go against who we are and try to become something we're not, we will never be happy or content.
I always have loved the quotes by Dr. Seuss, "you have to be odd to be number one." and "why fit in when you were born to stand out." We have to realize that our value doesn't come from being like everyone else, it comes from being true to ourselves and realizing the potential within us. So when setting goals we need to start with an evaluation of where we are and work from there to becoming the best that we can be. It doesn't matter that our best is different from others or that our journey isn't the same. What matters is that we keep trying and moving forward. When I set goals because I am comparing myself to others, those goals are some of the first ones to go, because in my mind I'll never catch up or be as good as the person I was comparing myself to. Discouragement soon comes and pretty soon I feel like it's even pointless to try and so I fail in that goal. However, I've noticed that when I stay true to myself and set goals that are tailored to me, I am so much more likely to work on them and sustain them. I feel happier and my self-confidence grows. Just remember that "there is splendor in being true to yourself." (Margot Datz)
